The Roommate Arrangement Read online

  Steph grinned at her idea. It was genius—as long as she avoided doing what Claire had done: falling in love with her pretend partner.

  That should be easy since she wasn’t the falling-in-love kind. She and her roomie would share the apartment, not the bed. Once the lease was signed, they could each go back to the joys of single life.

  Now she just needed to find a person willing to go along with her plan. Craigslist probably wasn’t the right place for that. She chuckled as she imagined the ad. Wanted: roommate to share two-bedroom apartment. Centrally located, comes with a parking spot, on-site laundry, and a fake relationship.

  When they crossed the state line into Nevada, she was still amusing herself imagining the kind of person who would answer an ad like that. She couldn’t wait to meet him—or her.

  CHAPTER 2

  Rae squinted into the darkness beyond The Fun Zone’s front door, trying to keep watch on the people waiting in line. The glare of the flashing neon signs bothered her. She was already dreading driving home after the late show, but public transportation in LA was as shitty as her night vision, so there was no other option.

  Damn, she really needed to find an apartment within walking distance of the comedy club.

  Not gonna happen. Stop whining and focus on work.

  “Hey, newbie.”

  The sudden voice seemingly out of nowhere sent her pulse skyrocketing, but she did her best to not let on that he had taken her by surprise and merely turned her head.

  One of her colleagues, Brandon Zimmerman, came into her field of vision. He had taken up position at the door right next to her.

  Shit. She couldn’t miss things like that and show weakness while on the job.

  Brandon crossed his bulky arms over his chest and regarded Rae with a toothy grin. “Want me to take over here while you keep an eye on the ladies’ room? Last month, some girl drank too much and passed out in there.”

  Was that all he thought Rae, as the only female doorperson on staff, was good for—checking the ladies’ room?

  Rae looked him straight in the eye, even though her five foot ten couldn’t quite match his impressive height. She fixed him with a glare that had made even the most hardened criminals tremble in their boots. “Let me make one thing clear: I’ve been hired to do the same job you’re doing. If you think I’m here to play the getting-the-puking-girls-out-of-the-restroom brigade, you—”

  A commotion from inside the club interrupted her.

  The early show wouldn’t be over for another ten minutes, so it couldn’t be patrons jostling for a selfie with the comedians.

  “You can’t kick me out, asshole,” a slurring voice shouted in the lobby. “I’ve got a ticket. I paid, man.”

  “So did everyone else, and they are here to hear the comics, not your blabbing,” Carlos, one of the doormen, answered. “I warned you three times to shut up.”

  “That’s the guy who wouldn’t stop complaining about the two-drink minimum,” Brandon said to Rae.

  She snorted. The blabbermouth was drunk as a skunk, so he clearly hadn’t limited himself to two drinks. He was just looking for a reason to cause trouble. “You know what? I changed my mind. You can take over the door. I’ve got this.” She nodded toward the lobby.

  “You sure?” A wrinkle of concern formed on Brandon’s forehead.

  “Affirmative.” After two relatively uneventful weeks at the new job, this was her chance to prove that she could handle unruly customers—to her colleagues and to herself. Not waiting for further protests from Brandon, she pushed past him, into the club, and strode toward Carlos, who had grabbed hold of the patron’s arm to escort him outside.

  God, the guy was massive, even towering over Carlos, who wasn’t exactly tiny either. This could get ugly fast.

  Rae reached out to put her right hand on the holster of her Beretta, but her fingers encountered only air. A sense of loss pierced her chest. Even after eight months, she still missed the familiar weight of her duty belt and what it represented.

  Stop feeling sorry for yourself. This is your job now.

  As she crossed the lobby, she tried to tell herself that she’d been in situations like this a thousand times before, and she had never needed a weapon. She had always managed to talk down even the most aggressive opponent. Well, except for—

  Don’t think about it. You can do this.

  She took a steadying breath and calmly walked up to them, careful not to get between them or crowd the red-faced man, who looked as if he was about to deck Carlos.

  Sweat trickled down her back, dampening the black shirt beneath her suit jacket, but she knew her face was an impassive mask. At least she could still rely on her poker face. “What’s going on, sir?”

  “This fucking asshole wants to kick me out!” The guy tried to break free of Carlos’s grip, throwing him against a column with a poster of the comedians who’d perform today, but Carlos hung on.

  Rae knew she had about five seconds before fists would be flying. “Let go of him, Carlos.”

  Her colleague looked at her as if she’d sprouted horns.

  Damn, had no one taught him how to de-escalate a potentially dangerous situation? She’d have to talk to him when this was over.

  “I’d like to have a word with him, to hear his side of the story,” Rae said.

  The drunk guy stood taller, even though he was swaying, and gave Carlos a haughty look.

  “Let go, Carlos,” Rae repeated with more force.

  “If this blows up, it’s on you.” Carlos finally let go.

  The guy stumbled and nearly fell.

  Quickly, Rae grabbed his elbow—or rather, she wanted to—but missed. She gritted her teeth and managed to take a hold of his arm on the second try. “It’ll be getting really loud in here once the show ends, so let’s step outside and talk.”

  The drunk guy threw Carlos a triumphant glance, then trotted after her like a well-trained lapdog.

  Since dozens of people were lined up out front, waiting for the late show, she led him to the back door. There was no sense in dragging other people into this mess.

  Once they were outside, she let him ramble about the two-drink minimum and the overpriced buffalo wings. When he started complaining about the cost of parking, she raised her hand to interrupt him.

  “Sorry you had such a bad experience tonight, sir. Probably best if you don’t come back.” Without waiting for a reply, she slipped back inside, closed the door between them, and bolted it. By the time he realized she had no intention of letting him back in, she was halfway across the lobby.

  “Damn,” Carlos muttered. “Didn’t think we’d get him out of here without at least a broken nose or two—one of them mine. Where’d you learn that trick?”

  “LAPD.”

  “Fuck, you’re a cop?”

  “Was.”

  “Wow.” Carlos looked at her as if she were a superhero in a red cape. “I tried to get into the academy myself, but…” He shrugged. “Why did you leave the department?”

  Rae ignored his question and walked past him back to the front door.

  The adrenaline that had pumped through her slowly trickled off, and a slight tremor went through her hands, which had been rock-steady during the confrontation. She shoved them into the pockets of her black slacks so Brandon wouldn’t notice.

  By the time the club owner signaled them to let in the late-show crowd, her nerves had settled. “You handle this line.” She pointed to the people who had purchased their tickets online. “I’ll take that one.” She gestured toward the patrons who were hoping to get tickets at the door.

  The corners of Brandon’s lips twitched as if he couldn’t decide whether he wanted to frown or give her an amused grin. “Are you always this bossy?”

  It reminded her of what her partner, Mike, had always said when she had insisted on drivi
ng, and for a second, she nearly smiled. “Yeah. Better get used to it.” She stepped forward to check the ID of the first person in line and to do some random pat-downs for alcohol, drugs, or weapons.

  Over the course of the last two weeks, she’d gotten pretty efficient with the door checks, so it didn’t take too long before she’d herded her part of the crowd inside—minus a butterfly knife and two flasks someone had tried to smuggle into the club.

  Just when Rae was about to help her colleagues seat the audience, another customer—a woman in her late twenties—jogged up and tried to squeeze past with a “hi” and what she probably thought was a charming grin.

  Unimpressed, Rae blocked the door with her broad shoulders. “I’ll need to see an ID, and the ticket for the show is twenty dollars, ma’am.”

  “I’m not here to see the show,” the woman said. “I’m a comedian.”

  Rae’s gaze went to the poster behind her, then to the slender woman in front of her. Blonde hair tumbled onto her shoulders in uncontrolled waves, and a zigzag part made it look even more tousled, as if she had just gotten out of bed. Her admittedly pretty face wasn’t on the poster. “You’re not in the lineup.”

  “Not tonight, but one of my friends is. I just want to say ‘hi’ for a minute.” The blonde stretched her five-foot-seven frame so she could point over Rae’s shoulder at one of the headshots on the poster. “Gabriel Benavidez.”

  That name was on the poster, which was probably how the blonde knew it. Rae wouldn’t fall for such a cheap trick. “ID and cover charge, please.”

  “Oh, come on. Comics always get in free of charge at The Fun Zone.” A mischievous glint entered the blonde’s eyes. “Want me to tell you a joke to prove I’m a comedian?”

  Rae crossed her arms over her chest. She wasn’t in the mood to stand here for the rest of the night and argue with this troublemaker who thought she could charm her way inside without paying just because she was cute. “No, thanks. I’m sure you’re hilarious,” she said without even the hint of a smile, “but I’m a doorwoman, not a talent booker.”

  “Everything okay over there?” Brandon called.

  Rae gritted her teeth. She hated that he thought he needed to come to her rescue. “Everything’s fine.”

  A sudden touch to her left shoulder nearly made Rae jump out of her skin. She whirled around and caught sight of Brandon, who had taken up position only inches behind her. Stand down, Rae told her battle-ready body and struggled to unclench her fists. “For fuck’s sake, Zimmerman. Back off. I told you everything’s fine.”

  “Um, guys…and girls, can we all relax?” the blonde said. “I just want to say ‘hi’ to Gabe.”

  “Steph, is that you?” Brandon craned his head around Rae.

  The blonde gave him an easy grin. “Yep, the one and only. Missed me?”

  Brandon laughed. “Yeah. Probably not as much as the boss did, without you showing up here every week, begging him for a spot in the lineup.”

  “Hey, I don’t beg.” The blonde winked at him. “Well, not unless some hottie with very talented fingers is involved.”

  Brandon roared with laughter and reached around Rae to pull the blonde past her. “Let her in. She’s one of the comics. Totally harmless.”

  Rae glared after them, not liking the way Brandon had encroached on her turf. Harmless, my ass. She would watch the blonde closely anyway.

  Steph walked past the framed headshots of famous comics who’d performed at the club. A few had been added since she’d last been here, and she vowed to one day have her own picture on The Fun Zone’s wall.

  Brandon slowed his steps. “You still know your way around, right? I want to check in with Carlos before the show starts. He’s new and still getting used to how things are run here.”

  “Sure, go ahead. Thanks for getting me past Ms. Doberman.” She pointed over her shoulder. Amazing how much had changed in just a few months. The club hadn’t had any women on the door staff last year or when Steph had been here for a week in June. Usually, Steph was all for more women in male-dominated jobs, but while Ms. Doberman with her broad shoulders and lean waist definitely looked hot in the black suit-and-tie uniform that doorpeople at the club wore, Steph wasn’t so sure she was a good addition to the team. She hated people who abused what tiny bit of power they had, and to her, that was what the doorwoman had been doing.

  Brandon chuckled. “No problem. She’s new too, so I guess she’s trying to prove herself. I wish I could say her bark is worse than her bite, but I’m actually not sure. She’s a hard-ass.” It sounded like a compliment. “I’d better go. Talk to you later.”

  When he walked away, Steph continued past the bar, through a curtain, and then down a narrow hallway.

  In the greenroom, nothing had changed at all. Two comics sprawled on the worn couches, trying to best each other with stories about bombing on stage, while another sat in a corner and recited his material to himself. A fourth stared up at the framed covers of comedy albums lining the wall as if they were the most fascinating things he’d ever seen.

  Was he high on something? Steph shook her head. While she had smoked weed every now and then in the past, she knew that getting high before a show was never a good idea.

  The fridge door thumped closed, and Gabe appeared from behind it, a beer in one hand and his set list in the other. When he saw her, he quickly set them on the counter before crossing the greenroom and engulfing her in a hug. “Steph! You’re back!”

  The familiar scent of his aftershave greeted her, and she could even detect a whiff of butter, cinnamon, and sugar from his mother’s homemade churros.

  After a few seconds, he let go and stepped back to study her. “Wow, you look like shit.”

  Steph laughed. “Such charm. Must be why I broke up with you.”

  “Breaking up?” He elbowed her, but his tone was light, without a hint of bitterness. “Is that what it’s called when you sneak out the next morning without even leaving a note?”

  “Oh, come on. Like you wanted to take me home to meet your mother.”

  “You have met my mother.”

  Steph rolled her eyes. “You know what I mean.”

  “Yeah, yeah. But seriously, you do look like shit. Don’t people sleep in Iowa?”

  “Idaho,” Steph said. “I didn’t stay after the last gig. We made it one-third of the way to LA before crashing at a motel.”

  “How long are you staying this time?” Gabe asked.

  “I’m back for good. My clock is ticking, you know?” She made tick-tock-tick-tock sounds.

  Gabe’s jaw gaped open. “You wanna have a baby? Seriously?”

  “God, no!” Steph laughed. “Can you imagine me as someone’s mom? I’d probably kill the poor kid the first time I try to feed it my cooking.”

  “What’s up with the tick-tock-tick-tock, then?”

  “I wasn’t talking about my biological clock,” Steph answered. “I’m talking about my professional clock. Back when I tried stand-up for the first time and everyone kept telling me you can’t make a living from it, I gave myself ten years to prove them wrong. I promised myself I’d have my big break by my thirtieth birthday.”

  Gabe counted the months until March on his fingers and let out a low whistle. “That gives you four months. No pressure or anything. So I guess that means you want to get back into the LA game right away and hit some open mics with me tomorrow?”

  “I’d love to. But first I need to find a roommate who’ll pretend to be the love of my life,” Steph said with a grin.

  Gabe stared at her. “Um, what?”

  “Long story. I’ll explain the details later. Basically, I have a chance at an apartment right around the corner, but I can’t afford it without a roommate.”

  Gabe sighed. “Story of my life. Between Yolanda and our two roommates, the last time I got to use the bathroom without s
omeone knocking on the door, hurrying me along, was…well, never.”

  “Seriously, I want that apartment. Can you imagine hitting two or three clubs in the same night without spending hours stuck in traffic?”

  Gabe gave her a dreamy look. “Man, that sounds great. I’d move in with you myself, but Yolanda probably wouldn’t like it.”

  No, she definitely wouldn’t. Gabe’s girlfriend wasn’t a big fan of their friendship, even though their one-night stand had been long before Yolanda had been in the picture. “Guess I’ll have to play the roommate roulette on Craigslist.” She groaned. The last time she had put out an ad for a roomie, one potential roommate had shown up with enough pets to populate a zoo, and another seemed to have confused her ad with the casual encounters section.

  “Hey, wait,” Gabe said. “I think Ray is looking for a place closer to the club.”

  “Ray?” Steph repeated.

  “Yeah, one of the newbies on the door staff.” He pointed toward the club’s entrance.

  “Might not be a bad idea. The club does a background check before hiring anyone, so at least I would know I’m not moving in with an ax murderer.”

  “At least not one who got caught,” Gabe quipped.

  “Right. If he’s clever enough to evade the police, he’s hopefully got his shit together enough to pay his part of the rent on time. So where do I find this Ray?” Steph asked. “Is he working tonight?”

  “Yeah, but Ray is actually—”

  One of the club’s assistant managers popped his head into the greenroom. “Benavidez, you’re up.”

  Outside, Steph could hear the MC give Gabe’s intro.

  Gabe grabbed his set list and took a step toward the short hallway that would take him from the greenroom to the stage. Then he paused and looked back at Steph. “Ray is—”

  “Don’t worry about it. I’ll find him.” Steph made a shooing motion. “Go out there and kill it!”

  Gabe grinned. “Will do. Call me tomorrow—but not before noon.”

  Then he was gone. Applause from the showroom drifted over as the audience gave him a warm welcome.