The Roommate Arrangement Page 12

  How odd. It felt as if they had been talking about much more than a jar of olives. With a shake of her head, Rae added olives to the bowl and tossed the salad. “No thanks necessary. You’re doing the dishes.”

  CHAPTER 10

  It had been years since Steph had been this nervous before going up on stage. She paced the greenroom with her set list in hand. Should she really do the new bits or rely on the tried-and-true jokes?

  Stop it. She knew she was overthinking her set. Her material was good, and she would just play it safe by hammocking the new material—putting it between jokes that always got her laughs.

  She stretched and jumped up and down to get the blood flowing and prepare her body for the rush of being on stage.

  The headliner glared at her from his spot on the couch. “Can you stop that? This is a greenroom, not a gym.”

  Christ. Away from the stage, he had the charm and social skills of a constipated bull. She stopped her pacing and peeked out through the curtain covering the short hallway leading onto the stage.

  Gabe was the MC tonight. He was out there, explaining the house rules about no videos or photos, and then did a couple of jokes to warm up the crowd. Was it a complete coincidence that he was hosting tonight, or had he gotten the opening spot on purpose to make sure she didn’t have to go up to a cold crowd?

  If it was the latter, Steph definitely appreciated it. She looked around and tried to gauge the vibe of the audience. It was a good crowd, even though the show wasn’t completely sold out. The seating was perfect, with the rambunctious groups sitting in the back, where security could more easily remove them if they caused any trouble.

  Thanks, Rae.

  As if conjured up by that thought, Rae stuck her head into the greenroom. “You’re up in a minute.”

  Outside, Gabe started to read the introduction she had handed him earlier. “If you’ve seen The Tonight Show, Comedy Central Stand-Up Presents, and Comedians of the World, well, our next comic has seen these shows too.”

  The crowd laughed, making Steph smile. So far, so good.

  “Please give a warm welcome to Stephanie Renshaw!” Gabe called.

  Rae made eye contact once more and gave her an encouraging nod. “Show them what you’ve got.”

  “Will do.” Steph slid out of the curtain and bounced onto the stage with a broad grin. The spotlight trailed her as she placed her water bottle and her phone onto the stool off to one side, where the recording app could pick up her voice without getting in the way.

  After a firm handshake, Gabe handed over the microphone and left the stage.

  Now it was her show.

  With the mic in her left hand, she stepped closer to the edge of the stage. The glaring lights made it impossible to see past the first row of people, but knowing Rae was likely out there, watching out for hecklers and anything Steph couldn’t handle, gave her confidence.

  “Thanks so much for coming out on a Sunday night.” The pre-show jitters instantly disappeared as she addressed the crowd. “Oh, speaking of coming out, maybe I should make one thing clear right from the start, or you guys won’t get half of the jokes about my dating life. I’m bisexual.”

  Someone in the back cheered loudly.

  Steph waved in that direction. “Ooh, thanks. Looks like we’ve got a bi section present tonight.”

  The guy who had just cheered shouted something, but with people chuckling all around her, Steph hadn’t caught it.

  She leaned forward and lifted her free hand to her ear. “Can you repeat that?”

  “I’m not bi,” the guy shouted, sounding a bit offended. “But my girlfriend is every now and then.” Steph knew what was coming even before he added, “So how about it? You, me, and her after the show?”

  Steph knew she had to cut him down now, or he would continue to interrupt the show. “Thanks for the offer, but what makes you think you can pleasure two women when you probably can’t even satisfy one?”

  The guy’s buddies howled, and when a wave of laughter from the audience hit her, Steph knew the rest of the set would go well.

  Normally, Rae preferred working the door or talking down angry patrons to monitoring the showroom. Once the show started, the house lights went down, so if the door staff had to shush noisy people, they had to find their table in the near dark. With her messed-up night vision, that wasn’t an easy task for her.

  But tonight, she had volunteered for showroom duty. She had told Brandon it was because the festive music and the holiday decoration in the lobby got on her nerves. The real reason, of course, was that she wanted to catch at least part of Steph’s set.

  Now she was glad she had. She took up position next to the guy who had just propositioned Steph for a threesome, making sure he could see her as she pointed to her eyes, then to him. I’m watching you, buddy. One wrong move and you’re outta here.

  Even with the laughter bouncing through the room, she imagined she could hear him swallow.

  Good. He had gotten the message.

  With the room under control, she returned her attention to the stage. Unlike many of the other female comics Rae had seen in The Fun Zone, Steph hadn’t tried to appeal to the men in the audience by dressing overly feminine. The formfitting T-shirt peeking out from beneath her blazer sported a painted-on tie. Personally, Rae really liked her style—and not just because the tight jeans showed off Steph’s long, slim legs.

  “Anyway, when I came out to my parents a few years back, they were actually pretty happy.” Steph’s tousled hair shimmered under the stage lights. “Yep, you heard that right. They thought me being bi would double the chances of me finally settling down. But it actually doubles my chances of heartbreak.”

  As Steph relayed the hilarious story of one of her dates, Rae couldn’t help marveling at how relaxed she appeared laying her private life bare to the world. She was making herself vulnerable for the sake of entertaining these strangers. How could she stand turning hurtful experiences into something that people laughed at?

  Rae’s stomach churned as she remembered how it had felt to have her life exposed to the world after the shooting. The story had been all over the news. Not only had each news report made her relive the worst day of her life; the press had also painted her as a hero, and that had been one big, painful joke because she knew she was anything but.

  Steph finished the bit about her dating experiences and launched into a different series of jokes. “So as you can imagine, I’m not feeling the urge to move in with anyone. Um, wait, I actually did. Did I mention I have a roommate? And no, in this case, that’s not a queer euphemism for dancing the mattress mambo.”

  What the fuck? Rae’s stunned admiration for Steph turned into anger so fast that she nearly grew dizzy from emotional whiplash.

  “If you have ever lived with a roommate, you know it’s not for the fainthearted, especially if you are so different that sometimes you’re not even sure you belong to the same species. For me, a balanced diet means having a chocolate bar in each hand. My roomie, however, is a bit of a dietary overachiever. You know the kind—one of those annoying people who actually enjoy salads and make the rest of us feel bad. She probably gets it from her parents. They’re the epitome of modern hippies. I’m sure they pick their kale by doing an aura reading on it.” Steph wiggled her fingers around invisible kale leaves as if viewing them through a crystal ball.

  Rae’s heartbeat throbbed in her temples, and she clenched her fists so tightly that her short nails dug tiny half-moons into her palms. It wasn’t the first time someone had made fun of her parents. She had been teased because of their hippie lifestyle a lot as a kid.

  The audience laughed at the next roommate joke, but the words didn’t register for Rae. She didn’t want to hear what else Steph was saying about her anyway, and neither did she want this room full of strangers to know a single thing about her.

 
A bitter taste coated her tongue. Somehow, she had thought she and Steph were becoming…well, maybe not quite friends, but at least friendly with each other. Yeah, guess the joke is on me. That would teach her to keep her distance from people. Any time she let someone close, even in a non-romantic way, she ended up getting hurt, and Steph had just proven that she wouldn’t be the exception.

  Even with the threesome-guy interrupting the beginning of her routine, this was one of the best sets Steph ever had. Her thirty allotted minutes felt more like ten. Before she knew it, the wrap-up light flashed in the back of the room, and she delivered the last punch line.

  “That’s it from me. My name is Stephanie Renshaw. Thank you so much, and enjoy the rest of the show.” She handed the mic back to Gabe and walked offstage with a spring in her step.

  The cheers and clapping only died down long after she had returned to the greenroom.

  She had done it!

  Her body still buzzed with adrenaline. She felt like spreading her arms wide and soaring all the way home.

  But first, she had to stay and watch the headliner since it was considered rude to leave immediately after your part of the show was over. She hung out in the back of the showroom and craned her neck, trying to find Mr. Hicks. She couldn’t wait to find out what he had thought of her set. But in the dim light, she couldn’t make out the faces of the people around her. Talking to Mr. Hicks would have to wait until later.

  A few minutes before the headliner’s set ended, Steph snuck out to check on the merchandise table the club had allowed them to set up in the lobby. Her little corner of the table seemed untouched. Not that she had expected anything else with the great security at The Fun Zone.

  Speaking of security… She glanced toward the front door to see if she could find Rae, but her roommate’s familiar broad back was nowhere to be seen. Instead, Carlos was manning the door.

  Did that mean Rae had been in the showroom during her routine? If yes, had she liked her set? A fleeting thought skittered through Steph’s mind. Rae hadn’t minded her jokes about living with a roommate, had she?

  Cheers and applause interrupted her thoughts before she could contemplate it more fully.

  The door to the showroom opened, and people began to file out. Several stopped by her table to tell her “great show” or to buy one of her signature painted-on tie T-shirts or a CD of one of her live shows.

  An older man walked up to her. “You were very funny.”

  Steph smiled at him. “Thanks.”

  “I didn’t think you’d be,” he added, ruining his compliment, “because you look so cute.”

  Jeez, what was she supposed to say to that? She barely held herself back from answering, I didn’t think you’d be rude because you look so well-mannered.

  But apparently, he wasn’t waiting for an answer anyway. “Let me tell you a story. It’s hilarious. You can use it in your act.”

  Oh no. Steph had encountered people like that all over the country. It usually ended with her being stuck for half an hour while listening to a story that would have put an insomniac to sleep. She looked around for anyone who could help her out of her plight. Her gaze immediately zeroed in on Rae, who was walking toward her.

  The crowd around her parted as if a force field of authority surrounded her.

  Her face was impassive, and as she stepped up to the table, not a hint of familiarity warmed her eyes.

  Damn, she should play professional poker.

  “Can I talk to you for a second?” Without waiting for a reply, Rae grasped Steph’s elbow and pulled her away from the table.

  “Sorry,” Steph said to the guy. “Official club business. I’m sure you understand.” Once they were safely in the greenroom, Steph sank onto the couch. “Thanks for the rescue. He would have—”

  “What the hell were you thinking?”

  “Thinking?” What was Rae talking about?

  Rae towered over her. “It’s pretty obvious you weren’t thinking at all, or you wouldn’t have made me and my parents the laughingstock of the entire club.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Are you being dense on purpose, or do you really think violating people’s privacy for your comedy is perfectly fine?”

  “Violating people’s privacy?” Steph echoed. “Are you talking about the bit on life with a roommate?”

  Rae huffed. “That answers that question. You are being dense on purpose.”

  “No, I’m not. I didn’t think—”

  “Yeah, we established that already.”

  Anger sparked alive in the pit of Steph’s stomach. She got up but knew better than to approach Rae. “Would you at least let me defend myself?”

  The muscles in Rae’s jaw bunched. “I didn’t have that chance when you talked about me on stage, so why should you get that chance now?”

  Steph massaged her temples, where a painful pounding had started. “Listen, Rae. I think you’re taking this the wrong way. Those jokes weren’t even really aimed at—”

  The door to the greenroom opened, and Mr. Hicks stepped inside. “Ah, there you are.” His gaze went from Steph to Rae, and his forehead furrowed. “Is there a problem?”

  “No, sir,” Rae said, her voice even and her poker face firmly in place. “Just checking in with the comics to see if they’re happy with how we handled seating.”

  “Ah. I like an employee who’s taking the initiative, but don’t worry about it. Most comedians aren’t the shy type. They’ll let you know if you do something they think is ruining their set.” He gave her a pat on the shoulder that made Rae visibly stiffen even more.

  “Everything was wonderful,” Steph said to draw his attention away from Rae. “I always appreciate working with professionals, and your staff is among the best.”

  “Good to hear that.” Mr. Hicks pulled an envelope from his suit jacket. “Your payment.”

  Steph took the envelope and opened it. A single one-hundred-dollar bill was tucked inside. That was more than the bar shows paid but still not a lot considering she had spent ten days preparing for tonight. But then again, she hadn’t done it for the money but for the chance to prove herself to Mr. Hicks. “Thank you. So what did you think of my routine?”

  He stroked his goatee. “I didn’t get to listen in, but I’m sure it was fine.”

  It hit Steph like a punch to the gut. He hadn’t listened to her set, not even to a part of it? Had he just used her to fill a vacant spot in the lineup instead of truly giving her a chance to prove herself?

  He let out a chuckle and added, “If it wasn’t, I’ll hear about it. Trust me.”

  Steph’s poker face was nowhere near as good as Rae’s, so she struggled not to let her disappointment show. “Um, well, then, maybe next time.”

  “Sure.” He nodded noncommittally and walked out, waving at Rae to follow him.

  Before the door closed behind her, Rae turned her head and fixed Steph with a glare that told her the topic of the roommate jokes wasn’t closed yet.

  Steph flopped down onto the couch and buried her face in her hands. Shit, shit, shit. She kicked the pockmarked coffee table. She had worked nonstop for ten days to perfect her set, and to top it all off, she had pissed off Rae in the process—and it had all been for nothing. Her parents might be right after all. Maybe it was time for her to throw in the towel and think about what else she could do with her life.

  The door opened. Had Rae come back to finish their discussion, if you could call it that?

  “Sorry, Rae,” Steph mumbled through her fingers, “but I’m really not in the mood to—”

  “Steph Renshaw not being in the mood? That’s a first.” It wasn’t Rae’s voice; it was Gabe’s.

  Steph let her hands drop to her lap. “Very funny. You should be a comedian.”

  Gabe plopped onto the couch next to her and studied her
. “You okay? Why aren’t you out there, celebrating?” He nudged her with his shoulder. “You killed it tonight!”

  “Yeah.” It came out as a sigh. “This was the best set I had in forever. But apparently, it’s not enough.”

  He tilted his head. “Enough for what?”

  To make Rae forgive me, was the first thought that popped into Steph’s head. What the hell? That shouldn’t be what she was focusing on right now. “To convince Mr. Hicks that women can be funny and deserve to headline a show.”

  “Don’t let that ass get you down. You’ve got more humor in your little finger than he’s got in his entire body, including his ridiculous goatee. He’ll see that eventually.” Gabe stood and pulled her up with him. “Come on, I’ll buy you a beer.”

  “Buy? You know the feature act gets a drink voucher.”

  “Okay, then you can buy me one.” He pulled her out of the greenroom and over to the bar.

  It was tempting—a little too tempting maybe. Steph had seen too many comics go down that road, drinking either to get over the pre-show nerves, celebrate a great set, or forget about a bad one. She had enough problems without acquiring another one. “Not tonight. All I want is to go home and crash.”

  “Man, you’ve become really domestic since you moved in with Rae.” He paused. “You two aren’t…?”

  “No.” Her lips twitched up into a sarcastic smile. “I’m getting all the fighting without the benefits of great make-up sex.” She pressed the drink voucher into his hand. “Here. Wish me luck on surviving the night.”

  “What? Why wouldn’t you survive the night?”

  She waved dismissively. “Long story. See you tomorrow.”

  The air was heavy with impending rain as Steph stepped outside. There was no sign of Rae or most of her colleagues; only Carlos was still manning the door.

  “Hey, you just missed your roomie.” He gestured toward the lights of Melrose Avenue beyond the parking lot, then peered up at the night sky. “But you’re just in time to get soaked.”